The Collected Letters, Volume 1


JBW TO ELIZA STODART; 6 October 1819; DOI: 10.1215/lt-18191000-JBW-EA-01; CL 1:203-204.


[Early October 1819]

My Dear Bess

I think I may say that my Mother is a good deal better since I last wrote to you. She still sleeps very badly at night—but she generally has a sound sleep after breakfast—her appetite is considerably improved—for two or three days she has been almost entirely free of sickness[;] to day however she vomited a great deal of bile but that might proceed from the exertion she made yesterday— We were at church yesterday—the first time we have been out— Oh how changed every thing appear[ed.] We went in a carriage as my Mother would not have been able to have walked—the very sight of the street was hateful to me[.] I only looked out once when I thought we were going to stop—& I thought the stones seemed covered with snow every thing looked so white & bleak[.] We were all three once more under the same roof—& this all that I can ever hope for in this world—no there is something more I will one day (& perhaps that day may not be far off) be in the same grave1— I have no wish to live except for two purposes—to be a comfort to my poor Mother, & to make myself worthy of being reunited to my adored father—to my many kind relations & friends I am not ungrateful— I love them dearly—but I confess I would with pleasure submit to be separeted from them for a time as that separation is to restore me to him—for he was dearer to me than the whole world— I will never cease to be grateful for the sympathy & kindness which we have met with[;] among those who will always hold the highest place in my regard I must rank Mrs Lorimer[;]2 the affectionate interest in us which she has displayed—& the sincere distress which his loss has occasioned her have endeared her to me beyond measure— She is very much with us— She would not allow us to go alone yesterday—& it was well we had some one to support us through such an exertion—her husband who has also been exceedingly kind preached a most excellent sermon on that subject which he knew to be the only one that could excite our int[e]rest at such a moment———I have never heard from Robert3 yet—so I am still ignorant at what time we may visit Dumfrie[s]shire— I hope to hear from you soon—excuse this hurried scrawl[;] with kindest love to Your Uncle 4 believe me Your Affect friend

[no signature]