January-July 1843

The Collected Letters, Volume 16


JWC TO JEANNIE WELSH ; 21 June 1843; DOI: 10.1215/lt-18430621-JWC-JW-01; CL 16: 211-212


[21 June 1843]


I am afraid you will get no good of me until the Mudie concern is off my hands either as a success or a failure—I have just been writing a long letter to Jeffrey about them till my head is all in a mash—yesterday ditto—to Geraldine!—that unwearied girl has fairly conquered me into a hot correspondence with her again after all—by taking up this matter I have so much at heart with an enthusiasm—even surpassing my own!— I cannot but feel grateful to her at least for what she has done and is in the way of doing—nay at times I am almost overpersuaded back into my old illusion that she has some sort of strange, passionate—incomprehensible attraction towards me that leads her thro what is even more repugnant to natural feeling than “fire and water”—thro the miry puddle—of tearying and begging—to do me pleasure—Whatever be her motive her results are worthy of admiration—and lay me under a considerable debt of toleration towards her—

Then here has been Carlyle fretting himself—and family— —that is, me and Helen—to fiddlestrings—having two incompatible worries acting on him at once—the thought of his Brothers departure to America with all the practical work that brings with it—such as writing of recommendatory letters—gathering of all sorts of information for his guidance &c &c— And on the other hand an article for Forster's review which must be finished by Saturday night;1 if he would not run the risk of Forster's hanging himself. And so—we have sleepless nights—terrific explosions at breakfast—and all the et ceteras you can figure!

You speak of fine weather it has only reached us this morning—so all our dreams of the Country have been kept in abeyance— Now it looks as if it would be summer at last—So when the article is finished there will be some movement surely—or at least emphatic enough speech about movement—but it will be time enough to speak of our plans when they have assumed the slightest appearance of certainty— One thing seems pretty clear—that my uncle will be gone before I can come—and so—I must keep Liverpool in prospect—for I must find the people as well as the house when I come—having none of John Carlyles preference for the mere shelter which is got by visiting— Blame me and not Gambardella now about the pictures until you get them2— Have patience [with]3 me in every way and love me always—

Your own bedevilled /

Jane Carlyle