The Collected Letters, Volume 25


JWC TO THOMAS CARLYLE ; 20 August 1850; DOI: 10.1215/lt-18500820-JWC-TC-01; CL 25: 163-164


Tuesday [20 August 1850]

Only a little note today Dear,

“That you may know I am in being

Tis intended for a sign.”1

And for a sign too that I am grateful for your long letters, my only comfort thro' this black business which has indeed “flurried me all to pieces.” Today's did not come by the mornings post, not till twelve, when I had fallen so low for want of it that I might have had no news for a week! It is sad and wrong to be so dependant for the life of my life on any human being as I am on you: but I cannot by any force of logic cure myself of the habit at this date, when it is become “a second nature.” If I have to lead another life in any of the planets I shall take precious good care not to hang myself round any man's neck either as a locket or a millstone!

Geraldine is still here—and Fanny Lewald at her house in Manchester since Saturday! but Mrs Patten2 is there to look to Fanny's bodily and intellectual wants—and Geraldine thought herself more needed here; seeing that I had got myself made quite ill with one thing and another— She goes tomorrow night—I have not been confined to bed nor in any desperate way; only so nervous that I was “not fit to be left alone”—Geraldine thought.

If that ‘randy’ be gone from next house, as I partly hope today, it will be all the better— I have not been able to escape from the noise and sight of her all the week:—tho the house is let, and furniture has been coming into it, and people rushing up and down it since Saturday morning; still the Police-people stayed on and Elizabeth with them—but today I have been able to go into the garden without having her suddenly appear at an open window and hallo out to people beneath; nor has she been crying “poose poose” over our area-rails and then rushing off with a loud laugh—so I flatter myself she is finally gone—

The little ‘apprentice’ is a very good serviceable creature, dreadfully astonished at everything, but willing and assiduous; no fear but I shall have patience with her! obligingness seems to me just now the highest servant virtue—but she is too small and ignorant to go on with as a regular servant, so I have taken steps about a girl recommended by Geraldines old Lady at High Laver3—have just written a long business-note to the said old Lady—and am now going to lie on the sofa and have Geraldine read a novel to me all the rest of this day—writing makes me “too fluttery for anything”4

I had misgivings that the cover of the Leader got ruffled Sunday gone a week in pushing it thro that narrow slit in Church Street. I tied the last with a string—

Give my kind regards to poor dear Redwood—whose feelings I can quite understand

Ever your affectionate /

Jane Carlyle