The Collected Letters, Volume 12


JWC TO JOHN FORSTER ; 9 December 1840; DOI: 10.1215/lt-18401209-JWC-JF-01; CL 12: 350-351


Wednesday morning [9 December 1840]

Yes—dear Mr Forster—I did receive your sad note—and I would not have left you in doubt till now, had I been all these days at my own disposal— But I have been ill during the last week—obliged to go to bed with headach1 some part of every day—then I always thought the next day I should certainly be better and able to go to Clarence Terrace,2 and I felt that to go was what I had a need of doing,—not to write. All the words one can say on such an occasion seem to oneself so miserably inane!— On Monday I could have gone—but my Husband had read in the newspaper that Mr Macready was to act again that night3—and I felt what a cruel thing this must be for them all—with what reluctance he would be going away to make entertainment for other people, as it were with his heartsblood— And I thought no visitor could be other than irksome to them on that day. Yesterday I was again in bed— Today I am going— But as it is not likely I shall meet you there so early, I write, to excuse my apparent negligence.

God knows I have thought enough about you all—have thought of little else all the week— I can understand what a loss that sweet child must be to you as well as to the Parents—it was a darling child—my favorite of them all—and it loved you so much!—and when a man has the heart and soul to feel the love of a child for him I have always seen that he feels it with his whole heart and soul— God bless and Comfort you—

affectionately yours /

Jane Carlyle