January-July 1842

The Collected Letters, Volume 14


JWC TO HELEN WELSH ; 25 April 1842; DOI: 10.1215/lt-18420425-JWC-HW-01; CL 14: 166-167


Monday night [25 April 1842]

My dearest Helen

The kiss I gave to your letter and the little papercutter was a better acknowledgement than I can make for them now—on paper—truly they came just at the right moment—to be a little consolation to me under the sorrowful thoughts which the sight of Jeannie's birthday gifts and letters gave rise to. How could I help being reminded of my next birth-day—should I live to see it—when the letter full of blessings, and like my Uncles to Jeannie enclosing money—which sure as the day came round, never failed to find me wherever I was, would for the first time be missing— But all days of the year there will be something missing now!—why dread that particular one?—once for all I have no Mother any more—

Since nothing has been said to Mrs Martin say nothing—it is better so—and for the locket—do not return it to me— I give it to you—it was my gift to her and there is something very wretched in inheriting ones own gifts— I must have them every one out of my sight—

The dreadful box which has lingered so long—thro my cowardice about meddling with any of her things—has at length this evening got itself packed better or worse, and will be sent off to-morrow— The things for Mrs Martin, a plaster tea-pot &c are not addressed I believe—but you will send them in proper order and the blue dress for Sophy1

There is a little parcel for Mrs Russel and another for Margaret Hiddlestone—these you must be kind enough to wrap up together and forward to Mrs Russel as soon as convenient— I have a broach to go to Mrs Russel but that I will send by post—only these little things, which she must be familiar with the look of, I thought she might also like to have—

Oh if I were done with all this sad work, tho after it there is to come—nothing! The furniture will be arriving next—and that my good little Jeannie cannot save me from—cannot smuggle out of my way— I have been in fear of it tonight—tomorrow I suppose it will come— I enclose a note for Mrs Martin which you will give her along with the things when you receive them

Yours affectionately /