October 1845-July 1846

The Collected Letters, Volume 20


JWC TO AMALIE BÖLTE ; 26 November 1845; DOI: 10.1215/lt-18451126-JWC-AB-01; CL 20: 64-65


Bay House / Wednesday [26 November 1845]

Ah my dear little Friend! I am so sorry for the disappointment that is awaiting you! and yet,—should I like that you were not to feel some disappointment on finding me no longer there to welcome you back?— Certainly not—

I shall have been here a fortnight on Saturday— How much longer we remain depends on others than me—for me I never can do long well in idleness—unless indeed in the idleness of Seaforth-House which feels to be a sort of preparation for future exertion, a gathering of new strength from touching the bosom of Mother Earth— But at Seaforth House it is not so much idleness as indolence—and the difference is immense. the one is a repose for the faculties the other a strenuous waste of them.— Mr Charles Buller is here—no other visitor for the present besides ourselves—

Lady Harriet is perfectly kind for me and I admire her more and more— but do not feel to be more intimate with her— I fear she is too grand for ever letting herself be loved—at least by an Insignificancy like me,—I could love her immensely if she looked to care for it—

I have a very stupefying headach today and afraid of having to betake myself to bed but I would in the first place send you this scrap that you might have some shadow of a welcome from me on your return—

By and by I shall be back and then!

Ever your affectionate

Jane Carlyle